I need to clarify…I am not an influencer nor am I “legacy” media.
I am this weird in-between…this new journalist born again from the mud, devastation and community of Helene and further motivated by personal values.
I believe in community journalism, in highlighting our youth and our great county, a piece of Appalachian Americana.
This county is who formed me, and who I carried with me into Army service after 9/11 and into some truly horrendous sections of this world. I came back to Madison County to heal.
I have recently heard things that have made me pause and reflect.
It’s been almost a year since Helene, since I picked up my phone, turned on the camera and started to speak…and then post onto social media.
Thus, I feel the need to clarify.
RUMOR: I do this for the money.
REALITY: I am a volunteer. That means I make $0 dollars because I want this to be a free service to y'all. Facebook keeps trying to get me to monetize after essentially forcing me to do a professional page. The latest alert is that I had 345,000 views in the past month, and they are now running ads after every video is viewed. I can’t do anything about that.
RUMOR: I do this for glory or attention, especially from men.
REALITY: I am a painfully private introvert who has a 70% VA service connection for PTSD from Military Sexual Trauma…if you do not know the significance of those two items, ask our dear friend Google…this especially makes every interaction with males...smiles, laughter and hugs in particular...a huge victory.
RUMOR: I do not know how to be a “real” journalist.
REALITY: Sigh…I understand that for many of you, I did not exist before Helene. In truth, I worked my way up from news reporter to investigative reporter to news editor to copy editor to editor-in-chief of UNC-Asheville’s “Blue Banner,” putting out a 12-page weekly newspaper with a budget and staff of 20+ under the tutelage of a Pulitzer-Prize winning mentor, Dr. Cathy Mitchell…all while going to school full-time and working another part-time job.
I talk about my internship at “The News-Record” a lot because it gave me a grounding appreciation for community journalism, especially highlighting our kids’ successes. They deserve it more than anyone.
I don’t talk about the “other” journalism work as much. The Army journalism.
And that was a mistake, for which I apologize to all of you.
It’s painful to me, because I had so much potential and gifted it to the military in a patriotic wave of idealism, just hoping to tell the Soldiers’ stories.
But Army trauma is a B!$*h.
But Helene trauma, weirdly, helped me heal.
It was traumatic for so many people, but oddly for many of us veterans, we no longer felt like a broken coffeepot tossed into the landfill.
We were of value, of use, of purpose. I'm still not healed from PTSD. Every day is filled with choices. I try to choose well.
Recently in a group therapy at the Asheville VA, we had to figure out our top values.
That was too hard for me, so I laddered them. The picture is of one big value interlinked together.
That is why I keep doing this volunteer gig.
Those rumors are just that…rumors. They only hurt me if you believe them, because that erodes trust and ability to do this service.
So, here are the bonafides…the journalism accolades that make me squirm and look for the exit:
• I have a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication, with a special recognition for print journalism (obsolete as that may be).
• The military has a version of the Pulitzer Prize, judged by civilian journalists, called the Keith L. Ware and the Thomas Jefferson. I won a few.
• Winner: Contributing Reporter for Best Newspaper in the Military
• Winner: Editor-in-Chief of Best Newsletter in the Army
• Winner: Best New Journalist in the Army, awarded at the Pentagon by the Secretary of the Army
But after that, well, I went from being a “Rising Star” to being completely unable to write for years with a byline.
Trauma is a B*!$h.
When Helene hit, I had done enough healing to be able to see the “news desert” in front of me on the muddy streets of my beloved hometown.
I felt a spiritual need, a purpose, a drive, a spirit of patriotism, a “God’s will” …and a freedom in social media to bring you as much information as I could, to help the county that helped shape me.
So, when you hear rumor, please stop and THINK:
• T – Is it True?
• H – Is it Helpful?
• I – Is it Inspiring?
• N – Is it Necessary?
• K – Is it Kind?
And THINK...there may be children listening and learning from you...and then repeating those rumors...to the very person you were gossiping about.
I don’t know where this path will take me, but I promise to do as much good and stick to my values as much as possible. I have lived too much evil. Let’s all do the best we can.
If you hear something about me, just ask me if it’s true. I try not to hold secrets anymore. It hurts more in the end. Secrecy and shame feed each other in the darkness. Speaking our truth cleanses us all.
Also, if you think I wrote all of this to be inspiring…please don’t put me on a pedestal. I’ll topple right off!
This was all clarified by the past few weeks, but really put into inspiration this morning at church, as I started scribbling away in the back pew.
“If God wants me to do, there’ll be a path,” said Preacher Jimmy Dean Hensley. “He’ll never ask us to do anything we’re not capable of…for the will of God.”
To paraphrase Jimmy Dean…He said make a joyful noise, not that it needs to be perfect. God asks you, do it to the best of your ability. It will help you to grow, and the next time, it will get easier and easier.
Love to everyone, and I’ll re-read Isaiah 41: 8-20 whenever I need a reminder of today.
For more info on news deserts, of which I have been interviewed by universities on this issue since Helene:
https://www.cislm.org/what-exactly-is-a-news-desert/
To hear Jimmy Dean's sermon from this morning (I'm hiding behind the camera, lol):
